After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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