Apparently you make a good broom.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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