Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
