Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
