After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
