do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
