Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
