What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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