Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
