oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
