Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
