make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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