listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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