does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
