I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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