i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
