She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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