I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
