i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
