I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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