I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
