I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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