Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I've blown a few things in my day
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
