you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
