I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
