A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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