After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
