I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
