And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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