five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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