It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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