You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
