were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
