Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
