Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
