he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We need a shit load of segways right now
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
