Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
