i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
