I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
