This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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