new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
