Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
