you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
