wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
