youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize