GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I smell like Dick and happiness
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
