Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
