I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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