evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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