so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
