Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
