Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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