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On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
