Grow some girl-balls and come out already
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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