Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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