ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
