allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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