My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You ruined the universe
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
