And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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