But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
