it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
