I think my fart just growled at me.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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