Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
