so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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