the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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