I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
