Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
