What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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