you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
