Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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