If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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