just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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