it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
